xtothap
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Posts by xtothap
Hip hop I love you but step out of line and I’ll beat that ass.
Feb 5th
Xpizzle’s Bitch Slap
The most unintentionally hilarious thing one encounters in their journey as a hip hop journalist are press releases. Seriously who the fuck writes these things, people, that’s who, what’s worse than this is they are getting paid, actual money! There is one company in Australia doing an outstanding job largely, other than that it is a constant stream of rubbish into our mailbox, both online and the old fashioned postal way. Rather than helping launch their acts into the stratosphere of superstardom the third rate writing promises, they instead make them mocked and judged before the music has even hit the ears of a handful of listeners. If everyone is “the future” and every album “definitely the years best” what exactly does that leave? I long for the day where I read something along the lines of “CD contains an attempt at a Triple J single, three BBQ songs, some stolen beats & gratuitous use of the word fuckholio”. If those writing these releases are really serious about both their jobs and the careers of those they are looking to promote they need to step their shit up or step the fuck away from the Microsoft Word document.
Press release writers, you’ve been pimp slapped.
Hip Hop I love you, but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Nov 7th
xpizzle’s bitch slap
Hip Hop I love you, but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
I think the time has come to clear something up. Having a MySpace and possibly a shaved head too does not make you a rapper. The digital age has been a great way for so many to get their music to the masses, but it also means Steve from Smithfield now thinks he’s a superstar. There is no simpler way to put this, I would rather listen to a Himalayan Sherpa playing a symphony on the pubic hair of an Alaskan Seal than the painful bullshit that seeps from your pages. People doing Snoop covers, or rapping about guns, or dissing other rappers who nobody has ever heard of, this shit is out of control. Ignorance is indeed bliss as when you stumble on their page it’s full of clueless fuckwits making the problem worse falling at the feet of the musical equivalent of Sarah Palin. I see only one solution, the appointment of a ‘pull your card’ squad to roam MySpace and let wack fucks know their time is up.
MySpace superstars, you have been pimp slapped.
Hip hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Oct 23rd
Xpizzle’s Bitch Slap
Hip hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
How funny are artists from any country who fake ‘hardness’ in a blatant attempt to sell CDs and merchandise. Whether you are an Australian act overusing the word cunt in the hope your rubbish CD appeals to kids who like swearing or a US act making up an entire past life of crime. If you aren’t to be fucked with or live a life of crime chances are you don’t walk around telling people about it. Shit if you are going to talk up drug deals on record you may as well wander around the club with a massive sign reading ‘pills here’. Countless US acts have been caught out as fakes and I’m sure many from Australia face the same fate in the not to distant future. Who knows what psychological damage it will cause on the clueless fans spending their days online championing sub par music as ‘revolutionary’ and ‘too gangsta for a gay like you’. Its like a kung fu movie, you only worry about the one guy who isn’t saying or doing anything, because in the end he will kick your ass. The only fear acting hard instils is that I will have to listen to your rubbish CD more than once.
Rappers acting hard, you have been pimp slapped.
butter 3.1 for your ears
Oct 13th
There are times within life where more 90s isn’t a good things. For instance if you have just stumbled across your new partners porn collection and it features people aged 90 and above. Hip hop however flourished in the 90s and with that in mind crumpet provides version 3.1 of this excellent series.
Tracklist
01. Butter Intro
02. Mix Tapes – The Nonce
03. Follow The Funk – Casual
04. C’Mon Wit Da Git Down – Artifacts
05. Pass It Around – I-Cue
06. Freaky Flow – Special Ed
07. Kikit – DJ Smash
08. Flava In Ya Ear (Original/Remix) – Craig Mack
09. Nobody – Consequence
10. Recognize & Realize – Big Noyd
11. Humm Deez Nuts – King Sun
12. Maximizer – Hustletron
13. First Sermon – Extra Prolific
14. Likwit Fusion – Lootpack
15. The Nod Factor – Mad Skillz
16. In The Ghetto – Eric B. & Rakim
17. I Got To Have It – Ed O.G & Da Bulldogs
18. God Lives Through – A Tribe Called Quest
19. Rashaan – The Prunes
20. Throw Ya Gunz – Onyx
21. Ruff Rhyme (Back Again) – King Tee
22. Fat Pockets (Remix) – Showbiz & A.G.
23. Who Got Da Props – Black Moon
Hip hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Oct 8th
xpizzle’s bitch slap
Hip hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
The Wu-Tang Clan are hip hop legends, but in the year 2008 they are barely relevant releasing shit that is less entertaining than a Bert Newton hair piece. Raekwon sounds like he is asleep, RZA doesn’t seem to give a shit about the crew, whilst his solo work sees his head squarely up his experimental ass. GZA’s latest works best as a coaster, Method Man works more as an actor or on being a Snoop like personality, his music only leading to beefs with his label, and pretty much the remainder of the Clan must be begging for quarters out the front of their local Starbucks. Ghostface is the only member who can comfortably hold his head up some fifteen years on. Talent doesn’t vanish into thin air like virginity in a housing trust estate, it has to still be there. RZA needs to stop hanging with fucking Russell Crowe and take it back to the murky samples before the W thrown up at shows stands for waste of a career.
The Wu Tang Clan, you have been pimp slapped.
hip hop i love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass
Sep 22nd
xpizzle’s bitch slap
Hip hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
What the fuck has happened to battle rapping in Australia? Going to a battle used to be a highlight, a display or real freestyle ability and clever flips of lyrical attacks. All of a sudden it seems all entrants have a copy of Gay & Yo Mama Jokes For Dummies and they’re thrashing it hard. They’re a few fantastic battle emcees left in the country, but they rarely bother to enter the battles anymore and when they do the fans totally miss the point of what they are saying. A brilliant 16 bar verse leading up to one punch will get a murmur while someone saying, “You are like the fat gay version of the 40 Year Old Virgin” tears the fucking house down. Perhaps what is most frustrating is with the prizes that are now on offer these artists will put out music as sub par as the first EP Justice and Kaos dropped. I think it’s time for a mandatory five hour video session of classic battles and a gay joke limit per battle be introduced to contracts given to each contestant. The sanity of attendees demands it.
Cheesy battle rappers, you have been pimp slapped.
hip hop i love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass
Sep 22nd
xpizzle’s bitch slap
Hip hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Support Australian hip hop has become somewhat of a battle cry in this country, it is something I am passionate about myself, but it is also fucking stupid. I’m one of the biggest supporters of Australian hip hop I know and the growth of the scene is my passion and this is why the support Australian hip hop chant pisses me off. Why limit it by classifying it as some form of special ed child that needs extra help to succeed. Oh look here comes little oz hip hop with a limp better give it a head start. Fuck that, support it because it’s dope and if it’s wack call that shit regardless of where it came from. Our best is world class, as good as anything I hear annually from around the globe, but our worst much like that from overseas, makes stabbing your groin with a letter opener to stop the ear pain seem appealing. Keep your ears open and search out our own, but don’t be afraid to call a spade a fucking wack local artist.
The Support Australian Hip Hop Movement, you have been pimp slapped.
electro for your inner b-boy
Sep 3rd
Before electro became that rubbish they pump in mainstream clubs where questionable dudes wear V neck tees and ladies rock fluoro rubbish it was the music of the b-boy. This compilation is the first of what became a cherised collection of releases mixed by Herbie Laidley. Find yourself some cardboard and get your break on to the sounds of 1983.
90s hip hop mixes
Sep 3rd
The 90s was a fun time for all, hip hop was a dominant force with many mind blowing albums dropping and happy pants could be worn in the street without the sniggering of passers by. Seinfeld was running shit on TV, Hyper Colour came and went like a 5am booty call and classic movies like Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood were released. Err so yes, download these mixes
01. Intro
02. The Stoop – Chop Shop
03. Pack The Pipe – The Pharcyde
04. The Tribute – Chop Shop
05. One Time 4 Your Mind – Nas
06. Seein’ – The Khromozomes
07. Time’s Up – O.C.
08. Miles Out Of Time – M.F. Outa ‘National
09. Ill Street Blues – Kool G Rap & DJ Polo
10. Hit The Chalice – Yardboy
11. Alongwaytogo – Gang Starr
12. Verbal Milk – X-Clan
13. The Next Level – Tha Alkoholiks
14. Sunshine – De La Soul
15. What’s That Riddim – Chocolate Bam Boo
16. Dear Diary – Akinyele
17. You Know What I’m About – Lord Finesse
18. Mathematics – Mos Def
19. Outta Here – KRS-One
20. Respond-React – The Roots
21. Brooklyn Keeps On Takin It – Chop Shop
22. Krak Da Weazel – Da King & I
23. Boom Inside The Ear – Earn-Ski
24. I’m Straight – The Khromozomes
25. Straighten It Out – Pete Rock & CL Smooth
26. Mr. Pitiful – Big Daddy Kane
27. So Ruff – Redman
28. Say Hoe!!! – Chocolate Bam Boo
29. X-Rated – Chocolate Bam Boo
30. Scratch Bring It Back (Part 2-Mic Doc) – EPMD
31. Back To The Bronx – Home Team
32. Lose In the End – Casual
33. Mr. Muhammad – A Tribe Called Quest
34. Who Me – KMD
35. We Can’t Be Stopped – Geto Boys
36. Hellz Wind Staff – Wu-Tang Clan
37. Outro
01. Intro
02. Tried By 12 (Original Mix) – East Flatbush Project
03. Phone Tap – The Firm
04. The Interview – Sadat X
05. Orpheus – The Khromozomes
06. The Unassisted – Rasco
07. The Vinyl Athletes (Lord Finesse Remix) – DJ Muro
08. Dignified Soldiers – Show & AG
09. Natuel’s On Top – Natruel
10. Shaolin Shout-out (Butcha Still Not…) – Chop Shop
11. What The Blood Clot – Method Man
12. Hostility – Def Squad
13. Fried Chicken – Ice-T
14. Aerosoul – Tommy Tee
15. 9th Wonder – Digable Planets
16. R.E.C. Room – Inspectah Deck
17. Total Wreck – Bahamadia
18. Step To The Rear – Brand Nubian
19. Get Lost – Chop Shop
20. Hot Potato – Naughty By Nature
21. La Schmoove – Fu-Schnickens
22. Swingin’ From The Tree – Dred Scott
Hip Hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Sep 2nd
xpizzle’s bitch slap
Hip Hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Mainstream journalists were for so long not a part of Australian hip hop, unfortunately that is all changing and quite frankly they need to check themselves. It would take roughly 12 seconds to open Google and enter an artist’s name and read up on them but no, instead we get the same recycled bullshit over and over from journalists who clearly don’t give a fuck. Rather than toss Judy from accounts the CD so that the “journalists” can continue scouring facebook or copying and pasting from a celebrity blogger, put some fucking effort into the phenomenal talent that is out there. We are all aware the Hoods are the biggest group in Australia but you are insulting them as much as every other group when you continually mention them in every fucking article. Shit I’d rather read mainstream US papers demonisation of acts complete with devil ears added in MS paint to pictures of NaS. Music isn’t there only when it can help make your owner richer.
Mainstream journalists, you have been pimp slapped.
jordan branches out
Aug 21st
First it was Nike giving Jordan it’s own line of attire and kicks, now the Jordan brand is intent on crossing into the rich skate shoe market. The results speak for themselves, the first release based on the timeless Jordan 3 is one of the best skate shoes crumpet has laid our cynical eyes on, here’s hoping those who let their tight jeans hang low feel the same.
Hip Hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Aug 20th
xpizzle’s bitch slap
Hip Hop I love you but step out of line and I will beat that ass.
Barbecue rappers are a uniquely Australian phenomenon and for some reason they get a free pass from most fans, time to take a stand and extinguish their lyrical ambiguity. I think we can all happily acknowledge that we have barbecues in Australia without Joe Smith the bogan rapper slamming that shit down our throat. Not only do we get that we get some fuckwit marketing genius posing the artists on the cover with a barbecue, fuck me how do they come up with it. Actually it’s not just barbeque raps it’s generic Australian stereotype ideals, news flash, we all fucking love Fridays. How can we be taken seriously on a world stage with the lyrical equivalent of Paul Hogan rocking the mic and tongs in 1982, “Chuck a shrimp on the rack, this is my lyrical attack, in OZ we like beer and that.” These acts need to go walkabout, it’s the poetic way to die before my ears rupture.
Barbecue rappers, you have been pimp slapped.
crumpet says buy it
Aug 14th
The new album from Adelaide’s Terra Firma is set to blow the local lads up, dare we say it, possibly to a Hoods level of recognition Australia wide. Five years on from an excellent debut you may wonder what has changed? Short answer, a shitload. This is a fantastic release which Crumpet has been lucky enough to hear, from the guest spot by Percee P, to the Certified Wise posse track, to countless banging beats courtesy of Simplex there is no reason not to own this, well if you don’t have ears you may be forgiven. This hits stores August 30, so don’t be a sleeping ass fucker and make sure you grab one for you and one for nana Beryl, because nanas love hip hop.
golden era records
Aug 14th
The biggest independent name in Australian music has got themselves a new home - Golden Era Records. Yes after months of speculation and innuendo the Hilltop Hoods have confirmed they will not be seeking a new deal with Obese and instead heading out on their own. With a number one Australian album already under their belts as well as repeated platinum sales this looms as a really exciting time in the scene.
Sydney on the rise
Aug 14th
This mixtape has been out for a minute now, well more like 12 months, but the fact is it remains one of the best released in this country. Rinse is a beast on the microphone while Aeon, PSYKEone and 2buck supply the beats and cuts. With the boys hard at work completing their debut LP what better time than now to check this shit out.
